Shinseiki Hinagelion
by Tuxedo Jack
Summary: God begat Man, and Man made the world what it was. Of course, it was promptly destroyed, but... The series is now closed.
1. Aw, Christ, he's doing it again?

"I'm not a bad girl! I'm a good girl, right? ... Wait a second, I'm a guy."  
  
Nineteen, by the way.  
  
* * * * * * * * * *  
  
And now, from the not-quite-drained pen of the not-quite-  
washed-up although spectatularly sunburned...  
  
Tuxedo Jack  
~and~  
Craptacularly Spignifcant Productions  
~present~  
  
Over-Violent Student Double Hail Hina:  
A Second Crossover that Should Never Be:  
Shinseiki Hinagelion!  
  
* * * * * * * * * *  
  
Keitaro sighed.  
  
He was walking down a street in the town of Hinata, sketchbook  
in hand, with a beautiful sunset as his backdrop. He poked said  
backdrop, and it crumbled.  
  
Keitaro sweatdropped, and the author whacked him in the head via  
author powers so he'd forget the whole thing and restarted the fic.  
  
The author also then peeled off his massive amount of deeply sunburned   
skin and sat for a second to absorb the delicious agony, then pressed the   
"Start" button on his arm and powered up his "W" Groove.  
  
* * * * *  
  
Keitaro sighed... again.  
  
He was _still_ walking down that street, and he stopped at a red light.  
Reaching into his backpack, he pulled out a photograph, and stared at it.  
  
"I'll be at Main and Godai to pick you up tomorrow," he read off the picture.  
"You'll know me when you see me. In the meantime, take a look at these!"  
He did, and Keitaro blinked at the astonishing amount of cleavage the  
photo showed.  
  
Just then, a Renault pulled up to the corner, tipping up on two wheels,  
and landed - nearly on him. "Hurry up, get in!"  
  
Keitaro leapt into the car, and the woman inside pulled the door shut  
and drove off. "You're late," the woman said, to which Keitaro could only  
sputter at the sight of her.  
  
The woman sighed in response. "Yeah, yeah, quit staring. I _know_ my top's  
too small." She took another turn on two wheels, and Keitaro's face fell  
into her chest.  
  
She pulled him loose, pushed him back in his seat, and buckled him up - all  
with one hand still on the wheel. "The name's Mitsune, by the way. Mitsune  
Konno."  
  
"Um... Keitaro Urashima."  
  
The foxy lady grinned. "Call me Kitsune."  
  
* * * * *  
  
After a lengthy trip, several near-wrecks, and a crapload of scares (Keitaro's  
case. Kitsune was way too calm and collected, and she seemed to laugh at him),  
the Renault screeched to a stop just outside of a train station. While the two  
passengers calmed their nerves, the car was loaded onto the tracks, and they  
were promptly shooting off towards their ultimate destination.  
  
Kitsune was rather busy - she wasn't just sitting around. She was talking on   
a cellular phone with some unknown party. Keitaro... well, he was still panicking.  
  
"Uh-huh, he's on his way... The commander's there? And so's the UN committee...  
Damn, they must be more worried than ever... WHAT?" Kitsune's eyes opened for a  
second, and Keitaro turned to stare. "It's ATTACKING?"  
  
She turned and jabbed a few buttons on her cellphone, and the tracks started  
moving the car faster. "Hurry up, hurry up!"  
  
"Why are we moving so fast, Kitsune-san?"  
  
"Something's attacking Hinata, and we've got to get you to ONSEN quick so you  
can defeat it!"  
  
"Me?" Keitaro blinked in surprise. "What could I do against something so powerful  
that it's attacking a whole city?"  
  
"Don't worry. We've got something special cooked up for you," Ktisune said with a  
grin.  
  
A few moments later, the car shuddered to a stop, and Kitsune grabbed Keitaro  
and pulled him out of said car behind her. "Come on, come on! We've got to  
get you to the storage cages!"  
  
They ran down the corridor, passing several windows to the outside world,  
and Keitaro boggled in astonishment at what he saw outside.  
  
A giant Liddo-kun was going berserk on Hinata, wrecking everything in sight,  
and it was doing a dance at the same time.  
  
Keitaro shook his head.  
  
* * * * *  
  
"It's not going to work," the commander of ONSEN said from her spot in the shadows.  
"Conventional arms are useless against the Angel."  
  
"We'll give it one last try, and then you can play with your dolls," one of the  
elders sitting at a table in front of the commander said. "Launch the NP^2 Fist!"  
  
Outside, a giant fist-missile came up from the ground, and it flew straight for  
the Liddo-kun. When it hit the Angel, it knocked the thing into orbit, which was  
relayed back via the video cameras targeted on it to the elders.  
  
They broke into boisterous cheers.  
  
The commander just smiled.  
  
Just then, the giant Liddo-kun landed on top of the missile silo, shattered it  
with the impact, and stood up. It brushed itself off, then turned to the nearest  
camera and rumbled at it.  
  
"That wasn't very nice! Now Liddel's going to have to be mean to you!"  
  
It continued wrecking the city, and the elders sighed.  
  
"Fine! Send out your toy, Commander!" The elders rose and left as one.  
  
"So, ma'am, do you think he'll be able to pilot it?" a second feminine voice  
from the shadows asked.  
  
"Oh, he'll do it," the commander said, lighting another cigarette. "After all,  
my nephew is under my thumb." Haruka smirked and pushed her sunglasses up, giving  
the three bridge bunnies on the command deck below a reason to fear her.  
  
Subcommander Otohime Mutsumi sighed. "Ara ara, you know that scares them so  
much, Urashima-san."  
  
"Of course, but they work harder, and I don't pay them to slack off."  
  
* * * * *  
  
"Man, that woman's creepy," Shirai said from his position manning the fuse  
readouts. "And that damn SOU system's scary as hell."  
  
"But she's so beautiful!" Haitani replied. "How could anything so beautiful be  
so utterly evil? It's an irresistable combination!"  
  
"Be quiet!" Shinobu said, then blushed. "We're the designated extras here... er,  
bridge bunnies... er, technicians, so we'd better get to work!" She blushed an  
even deeper red. "Besides, Sempai's going to be here soon!" Shinobu busied herself  
with the printouts spewing from the SOU supercomputers, and all was quiet for a  
moment.  
  
* * * * *  
  
Kitsune and Keitaro entered a room containing one giant black dome, which seemed  
to be suspended in a solid mixture of cement and dry ice.  
  
"You took your sweet time getting here," a sweet voice said from the other side of  
the room. The pair turned to see the adult Kaolla Su walk in, dressed in her customary  
black leather skirt with a blue bikini underneath it. She wrapped herself in a  
lab coat and walked over to them. "I see you didn't bring me bananas, either. Damn."  
  
"Su, you always were crazy as hell," Kitsune said through her grin. "This is the pilot  
of that thing." She jerked a thumb at the black dome.  
  
"Him? You've got to be kidding me," Su muttered. "The girl didn't do too well, and you  
know she was practically made for this." A clattering sounded from one end of the room,  
and the three stood aside to allow two nurses and a stretcher by.  
  
Keitaro took a look at the stretcher as it passed, and he saw a raven-haired girl  
with well-cut bangs and dark eyes - well, one eye, the other was covered over - pass  
by in heavy bandages.  
  
"Is he ready?" Haruka's voice cut in from above.  
  
"Aunt Haruka!"  
  
The woman twitched, then adjusted her sunglasses and struck fear into Keitaro. "_Don't_  
call me that. Call me Commander."  
  
"Not what she gets me to call her," Su whispered to Kitsune under her breath. Kitsune  
nearly burst out laughing, then calmed herself.  
  
"Yes, Commander, Keitaro's ready to pilot the unit." Su gestured to a technician  
lounging against a nearby wall. "Drain the bakelite and let the unit loose!"  
  
As the liquid surrounding the unit drained, Keitaro stared in shock.  
  
The unit appeared to be a forty-foot-tall human woman, with long black hair, a hakama,  
gi, and katana, and with strikingly beautiful features.  
  
"I'm supposed to pilot THAT?!?"  
  
"Yes. The unit is called Motoko. You'll enter the unit via a special Entry Plug  
and you'll have to wear a plugsuit the whole time. It won't be as easy or as quick  
as going in on your own, but you'll get far better synchronization with her, and  
she'll respond better to your commands," Su said to him.  
  
"Oh, no! No way in HELL am I going to go inside that!" Keitaro said, stepping  
back and waving his hands. "I ain't doing it!"  
  
Haruka sighed. "Fine. Then call Kanako out here, and she'll do it. I'm sure  
she'd love to go into this unit more than you would."  
  
"Kanako..." Keitaro thought for a second. "The wounded girl?"  
  
Haruka merely nodded.  
  
"That bitch!" Kitsune muttered under her breath. "She'd do that to an injured girl?"  
  
"Don't worry," Su said quietly. "She can take far worse than that."  
  
"If it's to save Kanako's life, I'll do it," Keitaro muttered.  
  
"Suit up, then!" Haruka said, pushing up her glasses.  
  
* * * * * * * * *  
  
Jikai, Shinseiki Hinagelion!  
  
KEITARO: The danger is all around us.  
KANAKO: And yet in the midst of it all, we find a refuge.  
KITSUNE: But it is not truly safe.  
SU: Nor is it a refuge.  
HARUKA: Next episode...  
SETA: "White Sheets."  
SHINOBU: Or "Don't Spooge Up the Bedroom."  
  
* * * * * * * * *  
  
AUTHOR'S NOTES  
  
Yeah, you got it in one.  
  
This is a _second_ bastardized Love Hina fusion, and  
in no way is it related to OVSDHH:ACTSNB except by the  
subtitle.  
  
However, this time I _swear_ it's going to be short - just two  
more chapters, since I've not seen enough Evangelion to write it  
well, and it's too good a series to fuck with in that respect -  
and it's only going to be the equivalents of episodes 1, 2, and  
the End of Evangelion.  
  
I do apologize for my absence from the world of fiction for such  
a time - it's just that I've been nursing a _VERY_ bad sunburn for  
a week, and it's not started to peel yet. As soon as the pain subsides  
and I can move my legs again, I'll start to write more, and this'll  
be done.  
  
Lastly, I'm announcing that a contest is open. The first person to  
send me an e-mail containing the number of fics archived at the  
God-Awful archive on my site wins a fic!   
  
I'll be more specific. I'll write a fic at their request on any  
subject of any anime that I know of, and I'll even do a lemon for them,  
if that's what they so desire. I don't do snuff or NC, though, so that's  
right out. Other than that, though, it's free and clear. Just shoot me  
a message with the subject header: "OVSDHH:ACTSNB Contest Thingy" and you're  
automatically entered.  
  
And no, multi-part stories count as one story.  
  
Hell, you don't have to go far to look, even... *Evil wink*  
  
And so, ja!  
  
Tuxedo Jack  
June 18th, 2003  
  
"Ouch!" *Rips off some more skin* "Damn sunburn!" 


	2. No, the penguin's still there

"The ideal of the tea ceremony is to treat your guests as if it were  
the only chance to!"  
  
* * * * * * * * * *  
  
Tuxedo Jack  
~and~  
Craptacularly Spignificant Productions  
~present~  
  
Shinseiki Hinagelion  
Episode II: White Sheets  
  
* * * * * * * * * *  
  
Once again, I don't own Love Hina or Eva. Should Akamatsu,  
Anno, or any of their companies ask me, odds are I'll probably  
remove this story from the web.  
  
That won't prevent me from distributing it via e-mail.  
  
And Kebinu, I expect to see a chapter of either "Road Trip"  
or your messed-up pairings fic very soon. (Blofeld) Don't   
disappoint me.  
  
Finally, you'll note a distinct non-Naru feeling in this.  
That's because she's not here. Do you know why? It's because  
she beat the crap out of me for even considering writing her  
into this.  
  
* * * * * * * * * *  
  
Kana Himezaki, master of pleasantly dark, WAFFy, and delicious  
shoujo-ai fics sat at his computer, browsing through his e-mail.  
  
A short click later, he saw a message that piqued his interest.  
  
FROM: Tuxedo Jack "Tuxedojack@juno.com"  
SUBJECT: "Request Denied"  
ATTACHMENTS: "fgauthor.exe" - 187225 bytes  
  
He shrugged, then clicked on the attachment after virus-scanning it  
and finding it free of anything caustic. A small window popped up  
on his screen, and...  
  
A fat, sweaty, smelly _male_ fairy in a pink tutu popped up onscreen.   
"You Kana Himezaki?"  
  
The dark author blinked in surprise. "Um... yes, why?"  
  
"I'm your fairy godauthor," the fairy said in a Brooklyn accent. "I'm  
here to tell you that you ain't getting written into 'Shinseiki Hinagelion.'"  
He snorted, then lit up a cigar. "That, and I gotta tell Kanako that the  
two she sent last time scared the crap outta Tuxy."  
  
Kana merely sat there in shock. "_You're_ my fairy godauthor?"  
  
"It ain't my usual job." The fairy grunted. "Damn unions."  
  
* * * * *  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
"It's so damn tight in here!"  
  
"Jusr resist it, Keitaro!"  
  
Keitaro twitched and scratched at his plugsuit. "But it's practically   
formfitting, and it itches like hell!"  
  
Su frowned at him. "Just wait until we get you inside Motoko. Believe you  
me, she's not going to like it any more than you do."  
  
Haruka spoke quietly. "Get inside now. The Angel's nearing ONSEN, and if  
it penetrates, we're going to have quite a bit of trouble."  
  
Su tapped a button on the wall that drained the bakelite and liquid from  
around Motoko, and after she did so, the floor holding Motoko started rising,  
right up to just below the surface of Hinata.   
  
"Captain Konno, get to the control room and manipulate what is needed."  
Haruka turned and walked away. "Doctor Su, prepare the SOU to analyze the  
Angel."  
  
Kitsune nodded and dashed towards an elevator. Su grabbed Keitaro's hand and  
pulled him to a stairwell, then pulled open a hatch into the wall. "Get in!"  
  
"Um... is this something I should know about?" Keitaro whimpered just before  
Su kicked him through the panel and slamed it behind him.  
  
"Nope!" Su grinned, then used a control pad behind her to manipulate that wall -  
which was really the plug - above Motoko, and...  
  
"Is everything ready, Su?" Kitsune said over an intercom. "We're ready in the Control  
Room!"  
  
"We're ready here, Captain," Su said. "Just tell me when."  
  
Kitsune smiled. "Okay, then...  
  
"AOYAMA ZERO-ONE, HASHIN!"  
  
Su slapped a button on the control panel, and the roof opened. A second later,  
she pushed a second button, and the plug shot down into Motoko's gi.  
  
The unit's eyes flew open in surprise, and Su pressed a third button, which catapulted  
Aoyama-01 out of the ONSEN complex and into the streets of Hinata.  
  
* * * * *  
  
"Was it really necessary to use _that_ as the interface port, Commander?"  
Subcommander Otohime said with a sweatdrop on her head.  
  
"Not really," Haruka said, lighting another cigarette. "However, it's far  
easier than inserting the plug through the neck or back, and despite the  
fact that it's on the front, it's still quite a bit safer."  
  
"Ara ara, I'd hate to see a unit shaped like myself then."  
  
* * * * *  
  
Keitaro shook his arm, and the Aoyama-01 unit did the same... just before  
it landed on its rear. "That hurt!"  
  
"Of course it did, idiot! You and the unit are linked through the plugsuit  
and the waters from the SOU systems!" Kitsune snarled at him over an intercom.  
"Do you see the Angel?"  
  
Keitaro looked around. "Um... I see a giant Liddo-kun dancing around and smashing  
things flat."  
  
"That's the thing! You've got to kill it to protect the world!"  
  
"Kill it? Kill an _angel_?" Keitaro blinked. "Weren't they nice or something?"  
  
"Long story! Just do it!" Kitsune said. "Or else the Commander will send Kanako  
out in another Aoyama unit!"  
  
Liddo-kun apparently was attracted to Aoyama-01's appearance, and it danced  
merrily up to her. "Hey hey hey, I'm Liddel! I'm God's chosen messenger to  
the heathen on this God-given world who reject His wonderful gift! Wanna be  
friends?"  
  
Aoyama-01 responded with the only thing Keitaro could think of: swiftly punching  
Liddel in the face. The Angel stumbled back, rubbed its face, and then smiled at  
Keitaro.  
  
"It looks like you don't want to be friends and bring God's righteous wrath down  
on the infidels! I guess Liddel will have to smite you in the name of God, then!"  
  
The giant stuffed squirrel charged.  
  
* * * * *  
  
Liddel started beating the crap out of Aoyama-01. It slapped her around and punished  
the greatest weapon of ONSEN, the last hope of humanity, like a red-headed stepchild.  
  
Keitaro was panicking. "What do I do, what do I do, WHAT DO I DO?!?"  
  
"Use your arms!" Kitsune said over the intercom. "She's got a sword on her side.  
Pull it out! It'll go straight through the Angel and kill it!"  
  
Keitaro managed to reach the katana on Motoko's side, despite Liddel's continuous  
assaults, and drew it. "Cool! I like this thing." He swung it a few times, but  
when it hit Liddel's arm, it merely bounced off a hexagonal force field.  
  
"WHAT? How come I can't hurt it?"  
  
"Damn," Kitsune muttered back in the Control Room. "Su, I hope you've got an idea  
here!"  
  
Su tapped her finger against her chin. "Motoko... she should be able to cancel   
that out. I just hope that Keitaro figures out how..."  
  
"You _don't know_ how to get it to work?" Kitsuen bellowed at Su, who shrugged  
in response. "Oh, boy, poor kid."  
  
Meanwhile, Liddel had somehow grown claws and was swiping at Motoko. She took  
some damage, and because Keitaro was mentally linked with her, he started to  
feel the pain.  
  
"WHAT DO I DO, KITSUNE?"  
  
"I don't know!" she screamed over the intercom. Kitsune turned her head towards  
the figures of the subcommander and Haruka, but only a glimmer of a smile from  
the commander was forthcoming. Kitsune started to panic, and swore that if they  
got out of it, she'd thank Keitaro as often and as well as she could.  
  
* * * * *  
  
Liddel took another swipe.  
  
Keitaro parried with Motoko's sword.  
  
The Angel swung again, and Keitaro blocked, but he was far slower this time,  
and he wasn't fast enough to block the claws from slicing open Aoyama-01's  
gi...  
  
And its breast bindings. They tumbled forth, free of their restraints, and  
Keitaro nosebleeded himself into unconsciousness.  
  
"He's out cold!" Shirai said in disbelief. "Doesn't he ever look at porn  
or anything?"  
  
"No response from the neural readers!" Haitani screamed. "The H wave is off  
the scale!"  
  
"Aaau, Sempai, do something!" Shinobu whimpered, trying to cut the sixth fuse  
and eject the plug. "We can't let the Third Child die!"  
  
Kitsune just stared in astonishment.  
  
"You have _got_ to be kidding me," Kitsune muttered. "They built her to be  
anatomically correct?"  
  
Su shrugged. "Figures. The commander won't spring for a RealDoll, but she'll buy  
this."  
  
Just then, Liddel's fate was sealed, for Aoyama-01's eyes burned red, and she  
drew her sword and held it in the classic stance in front of her.  
  
"HENTAI!" Motoko bellowed.  
  
* * * * *  
  
"Hey, she's a giant 40-foot-tall humanoid mecha cyborg robot thing," the author  
muttered under his breath. "What, you think she's going to sound like a hamster   
on helium? I could have made her sound like Torgo."  
  
* * * * *  
  
Liddel blinked. "Um... this wasn't in the mission plans that the Almighty gave  
me."  
  
"Secret technique - Yuutoku no kirikuzu no otome!" Motoko charged Liddel, slashed   
the squirrel-cum-Angel furiously, and was thrown far away after inflicting   
a massive amount of damage onto it.  
  
Liddel grinned ferally, showing its bloody face, and ran straight at Aoyama-01,  
self-detonating upon impact. Instead of a giant cross, the explosion took the shape  
of the characters for "yakusoku."  
  
"Confirm that the Angel has been destroyed, then send out a team to retrieve  
Aoyama-01," Haruka said quietly to Mutsumi, then left the command room.  
  
Mutsumi nodded, and relayed the order to Kitsune.  
  
"Did Keitaro..." Kitsune said to Su quietly.  
  
"No, he didn't. That... thing... Aoyama-01... she did it with his aid,"  
Su replied. "Virtuous Fury Mode." She shook her head. "My god, I never  
thought that she was capable of that."  
  
"She?"  
  
"Did I say 'she?'" At Kitsune's nod, Su shook her head. "Damn, I'm not  
getting enough sleep."  
  
* * * * *  
  
Haruka sat at her desk, watching her employees scramble around ONSEN.  
Kanako entered the room quietly behind her, and Haruka turned to face  
her.  
  
"Are you sufficiently healed to resume your duties as a pilot?"  
  
"Yes, Commander," Kanako answered coldly. "I am ready to follow your  
orders to the death."  
  
"Good. Go rest, then spend some time with the Third. He will be to your   
liking." At that, Kanako left, and Haruka assumed the Gendo Position.  
  
"Soon... soon, Yakusoku will be completed, and the Third Impact will begin.  
And... you and I will be reunited once again." She caressed the sole photograph  
on her desk - that of a man, his face shrouded in shadow. "We'll be together,  
my darling."  
  
* * * * *  
  
Keitaro stood behind Kitsune as she unlocked the door to her apartment.  
"Um, Kitsune, should I really be rooming with you?"  
  
The woman shook her head. "Don't worry about it! You'll love it here.  
It's ncie and roomy and besides..." She half-closed her eyes and gave him  
a sultry look. "There's always _me_."  
  
Keitaro responded with a slight trickle of blood from his nose.  
  
Kitsune laughed. "Don't worry, Keitaro! I promise I won't take advantage  
of you!" She winked at him. "Unless you want me to."  
  
She kicked open the door and walked inside, straight to the liquor cabinet,  
and pulled out a bottle of Yebisu sake. Kitsune took one long draught from it  
and grinned. "Yeah! That's the stuff."  
  
"WARK!"  
  
Keitaro frowned. "Kitsune? Did you just wark?"  
  
Kitsune giggled. "I don't choke, silly. I'm a natural."  
  
Keitaro facefaulted, and just then, a penguin waddled into the room. "Wark  
wu-ark!"  
  
"The hell's that?"  
  
Kitsune scooped the pengiun up in her arms and hugged it. "This is Pen-pen,  
and he lives here with us. He's a spa penguin, and he's got his own place in  
the kitchen."  
  
Keitaro just sighed. His day had rapidly gone from weird to weird-as-hell, and  
now it was heading something he called "the _hell_" and despised.  
  
"Oy."  
  
* * * * *  
  
Jikai, Shinseiki Hinagelion!  
  
HARUKA: All are cast into the abyss, and few climb out.  
MUTSUMI: Those that do make it out are either rewarded or damned.  
SHINOBU: What they receive has no bearing on their behavior in life.  
KITSUNE: If the abyss is large enough, people will cast themselves in.  
SU: The next episode of Shinseiki Hinagelion...  
MOTOKO: "Hell Hath no Fury."  
KEITARO: Or "Why, God, WHY?!?"  
  
* * * * * * * * * *  
  
AUTHOR'S NOTES  
  
Whee, this is fun.  
  
First of all, this only has two more parts to it - the episode  
where Asuka comes to Japan and "End of Hinagelion." This baby's  
short compared to OVSDHH:ACTSNB.  
  
There are two more bastardized fusions I've got after this, and  
that'll complete the set of four. However, the other two are one-shots,  
as I've definitely not seen enough of one of the series to qualify myself  
to write anything past the first 2 episodes of each.  
  
And yes, you can expect Keitaro's gender-bending roles to get  
far, far worse in the future. Poor bastard.  
  
Secondly, as a gift to Kanako Himezaki-Urashima, I've got a shoujo-ai   
series in the works. It's called "The Kyoto Liddo-Kun," and it's  
a mystery without my particular brand of humor. That's right, it's a  
romantic mystery shoujo-ai non-canon fic. If your head hasn't exploded  
yet, go ahead and spray a fire extinguisher over it to calm down. When  
you read it, you'll be damn surprised at the pairing.  
  
Thirdly, some of you have e-mailed asking for photos of me or the studios  
where I work on my stuff. I'm happy to say that I've gone ahead and taken  
photos of the studios and I'm working on a Flash tour of them that behaves  
like the old game "Myst." That's right - you just click on various objects  
in the studio, and either my voice will give you a description, or, like  
in the case of some of the electronic equipment, odd things will happen  
(the most bastardized PC in the world running the Mac OS, which it really   
can do, thanks to Basilisk II; the homemade RCA-to-miniplug jacks I did on   
some 30-year-old kickass speakers and a JBL Pro woofer; or the Otaku Shelf.   
I'll leave that last one up to you to guess about).  
  
Lastly, I'm still looking for a job. If anyone knows of a job in Houston  
in the area from downtown to Dairy Ashford and Briar Forest, let me know,  
please. You'll be giving me hints on where to find money for my college education.  
  
And so,  
  
Ja ne!  
  
Tuxedo Jack  
Tuxedojack@juno.com  
June 23rd, 2003  
  
"Ants should NOT be in my pasta, dammit!" 


	3. What's a Union got to do with it?

"Last Christmas, I gave you my heart, but the very next day you gave it away..."  
  
* * * * * * * * * *  
  
Tuxedo Jack  
~and~  
Craptacularly Spignificant Productions  
~present, with apologies to Anno and Akamatsu~  
  
Shinseiki Hinagelion  
Episode III: Why, God, Why  
  
* * * * * * * * * *  
  
If you want a disclaimer, go back to the first part. I'm  
in enough pain typing this as is thanks to a certain  
someone... *Deathglares at a certain redhead, who whistles  
innocently and looks away whilst rubbing her fist* Who  
made sure that she got top billing.  
  
And Kebinu, I couldn't find Naru's quote from book seven  
because mine is misprinted, and I'm missing half the volume.  
  
* * * * * * * * * *  
  
"BAKA!"  
  
Keitaro felt Naru's fist slam into his face, and once again, he thought  
back...  
  
(FLASHBACK) (FLASHBACK) (FLASHBACK) (FLASHBACK)  
  
"But... but Kitsune-san!"  
  
"No buts, Keitaro... unless it's mine." Kitsune winked at Keitaro,  
who promptly nosebleeded a bit, and then continued. "The Second  
Child's arriving from Germany in a few days, and by the orders of  
the Commander, she's moving in with us!"  
  
"But..." Keitaro screwed up his courage. "I don't want to have to  
share a room!"  
  
"Share a room?" Kitsune laughed. "Oh, don't worry. You're not going  
to share a room with her! There's always Pen-pen."  
  
"WARK!"  
  
"All right then, Pen-pen, he can share a room with Mr. Yebisu!"  
  
Keitaro sighed. The prospect of sharing a room with a six-foot-tall  
anthropomorphic bottle of sake just didn't appeal to him.  
  
(PRESENT) (PRESENT) (PRESENT) (PRESENT)  
  
Kitsune poked her head out of her room. "Oy, Naru! Keep it down! Some  
of us have to get our sleep!"  
  
"He started it," the redhead bellowed at the major. "He walked into the  
shower and... and..."  
  
"Saw you naked?" Kitsune grinned. "No big deal. He's done it a lot with  
me, and I don't mind!"  
  
Keitaro immediately started sputtering, and Naru drew back her fist.  
  
"And then there was that time he surprised Kanako at her house, and she  
was naked under him, and he had his hand on her breast..."  
  
"Kitsune-san, I thought we agreed you'd never tell anyone about that!"   
Keitaro flinched for the inevitable blow from Naru, and no, it wasn't   
the kind Kitsune constantly joked about.  
  
"Anou, I don't see how telling Naru about it could hurt," the major  
replied. "After all, she's living with us, so she'd better get used to it!"  
  
Naru's face was beyond red now, so Keitaro leapt up and started running.  
  
* * * * *  
  
Mutsumi placed a black piece on the go table. "The plan is on schedule."  
  
Haruka reciprocated, but with a white piece. "And the Yakusoku Project?"  
  
Another black piece. "Less than five percent behind schedule, I believe."  
  
White piece. "Good. And how is the Second Child adapting to her accomodations?"  
  
"Ara ara, it's not as good as I thought it'd be," Mutsumi said, dropping  
another piece.  
  
Haruka smiled. "Perfect." She clicked her lighter. "With the Second Child  
hating the Third, the First will have an unimpeded road to him, and that  
will speed the project."  
  
* * * * *  
  
"All right, Keitaro, let's see your synch rate," Su said, bending over Shinobu's  
shoulder to look at a console. Shinobu blushed furiously when she felt something  
warm and soft press into her back - and then her senpai was smiling! She blushed  
even more, hoping that she'd one day have a chance...  
  
And then Su drew back, shaking her head. "Keitaro, your rate's down by ten percent!  
Even Naru's beating you!"  
  
"She's _beating_ him?" Shirai said, laughing.  
  
"Quiet!" Shinobu said, glomping on to Su's arm. "Let Senpai do her job!"  
  
Su sighed and disengaged Shinobu from her, then turned back to Shinobu's console  
and bent over it. Shinobu, of course, immediately positioned herself beneath Su's  
bust.  
  
Kitsune just sweatdropped.  
  
"Naru, your synch rate is decent - sixty-nine percent. It's just a bit better than  
Kanako's," Su said into a microphone. "Let's try hand-to-hand combat. I want to see  
how each unit will perform."  
  
"Got it," Naru said over her comlink. "See that, you little pervert? I'm doing better  
than you!"  
  
"Urashima-kun, perhaps the Second Child enjoys being on top of everyone else."  
Kanako's comment started Keitaro's fit of laughter, and Naru started swearing  
over the comlink.  
  
Kitsune sighed. "Come on, you all, fight. Amalla-00, move in to combat Aoyama-02,  
and Keitaro, you and Aoyama-01 sit this one out."  
  
Kanako maneuvered her Amalla-00 into range of Naru's Aoyama-02, and the fight  
began in earnest. Slaps were traded, articles of clothing were ripped, and   
Haitani and Shirai started drooling in the Control Room at the sight of the giant  
Amalla and the giant Tsuruko fighting each other.  
  
"All right, you two, break it up," Kitsune ordered as Kanako's unit tore off  
Aoyama-02's breast bindings.  
  
Naru, however, ignored the order, and screamed, "HENTAI!" before supercharging a  
fist and punching Amalla-00 right on the chin. The punch knocked Kanako's unit  
through the air, and it landed right in front of Aoyama-01. Keitaro bent over,  
picked up Kanako, and frowned. Since Aoyama-01 was mimicking his movements, the  
giant Motoko frowned.  
  
You've seen how disturbing a normal Motoko frown is. Imagine it seven and a half  
times larger, then multiply the force to the nth power. Yeah, that's about it.  
  
"Naru, you baka! You could have hurt her!"  
  
"She tore off my Aoyama-02's breast bindings, jackass!"  
  
"So? That's armor! It can be replaced!"  
  
"Urashima-kun, do not worry about me," Kanako's voice said over a private  
comm channel. "I can heal easily, though the wounds in my heart cannot."  
  
Keitaro sighed. "Kanako-san, I'll protect you, just like I said I'd protect  
Hinata and the people of ONSEN." He frowned. "Except obaasan. She's been  
bitchy lately."  
  
Haruka's face popped up on a screen right in front of Keitaro's face. "_Don't_  
call me obaasan."  
  
* * * * *  
  
"Bring in the fourth unit for testing!" Kitsune called out over the comlink to  
the Random Expositional Technicians. "That's right, be careful!"  
  
Said RETs brought the fourth unit into the combat room, and two of the three pilots  
already out there gaped and blabbered about it. The third merely sweatdropped.  
  
"It's... it's..." Naru gasped, her eyes hanging wide open.  
  
"Oh, dear sweet god, no!" Keitaro muttered.  
  
Kanako, again, just sweatdropped.  
  
"Meet Simmons-04, the fourth prototype unit that's going to help us fight the  
Angels," Kitsune said over the relays. "Be nice, okay? Don't push it too hard  
on its first day, since it's computer-controlled, and it's got to learn to adapt  
to fighting."  
  
"It's a giant fitness guru, Kitsune," Keitaro deadpanned. "What's it going to do,  
make us do push-ups until we die?"  
  
Simmons-04 responded to Keitaro's taunt by charging Aoyama-01 and slamming it  
to the mat in a half-nelson.  
  
"Okay, Simmons-04, let him up," Kitsune said. When the unit didn't respond and  
tightened its hold, Kitsune turned to Su. "Kaolla, what the hell's going on here?"  
  
Su shrugged, and she and Shinobu began to type command overrides on the SOU   
terminal that controlled Simmons-04. Just then, klaxons went off, and Haruka  
stepped onto the bridge, followed by Mutsumi.  
  
"Pattern Blue confirmed!" Shirai yelled.  
  
"It's emanating from Simmons-04!" Haitani said. "And this is my only line in this  
episode!"  
  
"Senpai, we've got to..."  
  
"Simmons-04 is now classified as Ricardel, the Thirteenth Angel," Haruka said  
calmly, lighting yet another cigarette. "Destroy it at all costs."  
  
"Understood," Kanako said, rising from her prone position inside Amalla-00. "I  
will combat and destroy the Angel." She charged it, prog crocodile out and at  
the ready. "And I will save Urashima-kun!"  
  
Ricardel saw her coming and threw Aoyama-01 straight at Amalla-00. It bowled  
them over, and only Aoyama-02 was left standing. Fortunately, Naru had her  
prog katana out, and she was slashing at Ricardel left and right. The  
fitness guru-cum-Angel, however, parried her blows easily, and then leapt back.  
  
"Face the ultimate attack of God - Sweatin' to the Oldies!" He pulled a tape  
deck out of nowhere, slipped in a Yoko Ono tape, and hit Play. Ricardel then  
started to dance around, making his fat, hairy body jiggle and wiggle.  
  
Every single person in the control room, Haruka included, grimaced and winced  
at the sight.  
  
* * * * *  
  
Feel free to moan and groan at the mental image of that.  
  
And now, back to your irregularly scheduled screwed-up parody.  
  
* * * * *  
  
Aoyamas 02 and 01 collapsed to the ground, wincing and covering their ears.  
  
"THE NOISE!" Naru screamed. "I _HATE_ YOKO ONO!"  
  
Keitaro stood, grabbed his prog katana, and charged Ricardel. He swung, and  
Ricardel reached to parry - but Keitaro wasn't aiming at the Angel.  
  
He aimed for the tape deck.  
  
With one swing, he disemboweled it, and everyone in the control room sighed  
in relief.  
  
"That wasn't nice, tubby," Ricardel said, shaking his finger at Aoyama-01.  
  
The whole base fell dead silent.  
  
Keitaro Urashima, pilot of Aoyama-01 (also known as Motoko), had lost  
control.  
  
"'Tubby,'" the giant Motoko said in disbelief. "TUBBY?"  
  
Haruka immediately dove for cover underneath a console, and everyone else in  
the room followed suit, seeing as how when the stoic commander hides, the  
shit's about to hit the fan.  
  
"You have insulted me, and you shall DIE!" Motoko said, lunging at Ricardel.  
  
Kanako and Naru stared in shock at the scene in front of their units - Aoyama-01  
dove straight at Ricardel, rent him limb from limb, plunged her hand into his chest,  
and ripped out his still-beating heart.  
  
"And your skull shall be my drinking gourd!" she bellowed just before she swallowed  
the heart whole.  
  
A few seconds later, the staff in the control room (all of whom had seen the whole  
thing on a handy monitor) collectively retched, even Haruka.  
  
Naru wouldn't look Keitaro in the eye for a week, and she didn't even protest  
when he accidentally walked in on her in the bath every day for a month.  
  
Kanako smiled. Her plan was going perfectly. Now all she needed to do was  
visit his apartment that night, just like she'd planned on doing anyway...  
  
Keitaro blinked, then came to his senses. "Um... what happened? Why am I covered  
in blood? Was the Angel defeated?"  
  
"In a manner of speaking, Urashima-kun, he was," Kanako said with a light sweatdrop.  
  
* * * * *  
  
The author shuddered. "Yes, I know that was horribly out of character. I   
make no excuse, and I shall commit seppuku forthwith."  
  
He then realized if he committed seppuku, the readers could not see the end  
of the fusion, and as such, would be stuck reading it forever in a vain attempt  
to find the end.  
  
Since he had no desire to create time loops, he continued the story.  
  
* * * * *  
  
Later that day...  
  
"Come on, Keitaro, let's party!"  
  
Kitsune pulled a grill out of nowhere, slammed it down on a table in her  
living room, and glared at Keitaro. "Come on, Keitaro, you're today's hero!  
Let's see what else you can do."  
  
He sighed. He'd cooked practically every night since he'd moved in with  
Kitsune, and Keitaro wasn't partial to doing that.  
  
Of course, Naru's fist clenching around his testicles quickly changed his  
mind.  
  
Keitaro broke out the weenies, carrots, sausages, and various other   
phallic-shaped foods, impaled them on skewers, and began to cook. Amidst  
the sea of sizzling and the crashing of crackling foods, Kitsune's shout  
that her old college boyfriend was coming over went unnoticed by Keitaro,  
although Naru noticed and squealed in glee.  
  
A knock sounded, and Keitaro slipped away from the grill to answer it.  
When he opened the door, he found the very last thing in the world he'd ever  
expected - a man with his eyes closed and lips puckered for a kiss.  
  
Keitaro pulled back and blinked. "Ano, you are..."  
  
"Oh, you're not Kitsune!" The man pulled back and laughed. "The name's Noriyasu,  
Seta Noriyasu. I'm Kitsune's friend."  
  
"Oh, yeah, she's..." Keitaro was promptly bowled over by the two women (one  
scantily clad, of course. I'll leave it to your imagination as to whom) rushing  
to greet Seta.  
  
"Ooh, Seta-san, is that for me?" Kitsune ran her hand over a package in Seta's  
hand, and he dropped in into hers. "Thanks!" She walked back to the grill,  
her arm in his, and sat down.  
  
Naru followed, and when she sat down, she started flirting with Seta.  
Seta didn't notice, though - he was focused on Kitsune. This, of course,  
made Naru fume, which ensured pain in Keitaro.  
  
However, dinner passed without incident - except for Kitsune getting completely  
blasted.  
  
After Seta and Kitsune "retired," Naru went back to her room to sulk, and Keitaro  
just lay down next to the table. He was damn tired, but another knock came at the  
door, and it was _quiet_. The knocker knocked twice before Keitaro got up and  
answered it.  
  
"Hello... Kanako? What are you doing here?"  
  
Kanako pulled Keitaro out into the hallway. "Urashima-kun, I... I do not wish  
to be alone."  
  
"What?"  
  
Kanako cast her face down. "The Commander wishes for me to stay alone, to never  
link my soul to another."  
  
"Link your soul... what do you mean?"  
  
Kanako stared straight into Keitaro's eyes. "I cannot become One without her  
approval."  
  
"Become One..." Keitaro's eyes went wide. "You don't mean..."  
  
Kanako nodded, and pressed her lips to his. She broke apart after a minute,  
and whispered into his ear. "But the day is coming when she will let me be  
One... and I shall be One with you. On that, the Last Day, the world as you  
know will end, and a new world shall be born of our Union."  
  
The girl kissed Keitaro's cheek once more, then slipped down the hallway to  
the elevator. Keitaro's eyes followed her, and when the doors closed over the  
lovely girl, he let out a long sigh.  
  
"She's beautiful and intelligent... she's perfect." Keitaro frowned. "I wish   
she wouldn't speak in riddles, though."  
  
* * * * *  
  
AUTHOR'S NOTES  
  
Well, two parts left, and they're the End.  
  
Literally.  
  
The End of Hinagelion is coming, and it's going to be quite interesting,  
especially since Keitaro's the one who controls Yakusoku (which, unfortunately,  
substitutes for Instrumentality).  
  
But what's this Union Kanako spoke of? And what on earth will Keitaro do  
with it?  
  
Find out in the next - and second-to-last - part of Shinseiki Hinagelion!  
  
And in regards to the contest, Persephone of Abydos got the answer in less  
than an hour after the contest was opened. She wins! She requested a yaoi  
WAFF-fest lemon with Touya and Yukito from Cardcaptor Sakura, and as stated  
in my terms, I shall write it and give it to her. The non-explicit parts will  
be posted here on FFN if she so agrees.  
  
Ja ne!  
  
Tuxedo Jack  
Tuxedojack@juno.com  
  
users3.ev1.net/~jchiles  
Click on the Senshi no Eisei logo for my site.  
  
"Gary the Rat... shit." 


	4. The End of Hinagelion, Part 1

"We are here to PUMP YOU UP!"  
  
* * * * * * * * * *  
  
Tuxedo Jack  
~and~  
Craptacularly Spignificant Productions  
~present, with apologies to Anno and Akamatsu~  
  
The End of Hinagelion  
Part 1  
  
* * * * * * * * * *  
  
DISCLAIMER: Were I to disclaim that this is a disclaimer, my  
disclaimer would then be disclaimed. Do the math.  
  
* * * * * * * * * *  
  
Special note: If you just happen to have the music named in here,   
they work as background music. They tie it together pretty well,   
I think.  
  
If you don't have "Ave Maria" from Cowboy Bebop, go and get it   
immediately. Make sure you get the six-minute version - be it  
off the CD or off the Net, it's no difference to me.  
  
If you don't have the Evangelion CDs, go out and import them.  
There's no excuse for not doing so; Evangelion has some of the  
best music _ever_ made for anime. Besides, the S2 Works CDs are  
40 bucks for 7 CDs filled with music, and compared to the crap  
that American artists put out, that's a damn good deal for some  
damn good music.  
  
If there's not a listed track for a section, it doesn't change  
the song. Don't worry.  
  
* * * * * * * * * *  
  
(Background music: Forbidden Gene, track 7 on "Refrain")  
  
Mankind has always aspired to be more than they are.  
  
First, they created. Then came innovation. After that, mankind was   
satisfied, and all was good.  
  
Soon, though, mankind was not satisfied with their creations.  
  
They sought more.  
  
They sought to be unto gods.  
  
He took offense at this, and watched as the humans unleashed the  
power of the First Angel. Their world was decimated, and what was   
left was barely a shadow of the former world.  
  
But it was enough.  
  
Mankind soon rose again, and one woman deigned to challenge the Almighty  
again.  
  
He sent His angels to combat her - fifteen in all. However, the woman  
controlled the Second Angel and had the First implanted in her palm.  
She also manipulated a half-human, half-angel girl, whom she used to pilot  
the abominable beast Amalla-00. Her nephew piloted its sister unit, Aoyama-01,  
and a third child controlled Aoyama-02.  
  
The woman and her pawns defeated all fifteen angels.  
  
He decided that she would be watched, for her desires were that which He  
did not want, and He would have to stop her Himself.  
  
* * * * *  
  
(Background music: A-13 from the S2 Works series)  
  
"She cannot be allowed to persist as she is," one elder said  
from his raised monolith.  
  
"Her pursuit of Yakusoku is endangering our scenario," another  
elder said.  
  
"Also, the First Child is growing dangerously close to the  
Third," a third one said. "She must remain pure in order for our   
vision to be made real."  
  
"Then so be it," the obvious leader (he was on the largest monolith,  
and he had dramatic shifting spotlights playing on him) said. "We shall  
begin the process now."  
  
"Capture ONSEN, use the SOU for our purposes, and force the First Child  
to create the perfect world that we wish for!"  
  
* * * * *  
  
(Background music: Prologue de Refrain, track 1 on "Refrain")  
  
Keitaro sat up straight in his bed, gasping in shock. His dream...  
  
(DREAM) (DREAM) (DREAM) (DREAM) (DREAM)  
  
Keitaro stood ramrod-straight and stared forward. No matter what he  
did, he couldn't seem to move.  
  
"Soon, Urashima-kun, we will be One," Kanako whispered from behind him  
as she draped her bare arms over his shoulders.  
  
Keitaro still looked straight ahead, despite the fact that a beautiful  
nude woman was leaning on his back. "Kanako-san, what do you mean?"  
  
"Our souls will be joined," she said, breathing into his ear. "They  
will be One, and we will make a new world... you will plant the Seed,  
and the world will grow from you and me."  
  
Keitaro blinked. "I wish you'd stop talking in riddles."  
  
Kanako let go of him, walked around to his front, and kissed him.  
"Is that enough of an answer, Urashima-kun?"  
  
(AWAKE) (AWAKE) (AWAKE) (AWAKE) (AWAKE)  
  
Keitaro couldn't get that dream out of his head. He'd had it every night  
since the Fifteenth Angel - Discoel. It had done the hustle on Naru's  
Aoyama-02 and wrecked it completely, injuring Naru so badly that she'd been  
in a coma ever since then.  
  
The unit had been repaired, and it was piloted for a while by a girl named  
Sara, who turned out to be the Seventeenth Angel, Sammael.   
  
* * * * *  
  
The author turned from his keyboard. "Yes, that's the original name  
of Satan." He sighed. "All that time I spent in Jesuit schools paid  
off, I guess."  
  
* * * * *  
  
(Background music: Kibou no Sora e, track 3 on "Refrain")  
  
A few weeks after that, Seta was found dead with a bullethole in his heart.  
Kitsune mourned, and so did Su. Kitsune even gave up drinking because of  
that... but she started again soon thereafter.  
  
At the moment, Kitsune was slumbering peacefully on the couch down the  
hall from Keitaro thanks to the huge amount of Yebisu she'd downed earlier.  
  
Keitaro sighed, lay down, and tried to get back to sleep. No matter  
what position he tried, though, he couldn't get comfortable. Eventually,  
he just gave up and got dressed.  
  
He slipped by Kitsune, opened the front door, and took the elevator  
down to the lobby. From there, he hailed a taxi and got a ride to ONSEN.  
  
He paid with his ONSEN expense card. Haruka was _not_ going to be happy  
about that, but it wouldn't really matter in about twenty-four hours, so  
it was all good.  
  
When he arrived, he wandered aimlessly through the corridors for a while,  
eventually arriving at Naru's hospital room. Keitaro knocked, and when  
there was no answer, he let himself in.  
  
Naru lay on her bed, dressed in the ubiquitous white gown (which made  
her red hair look like a massive bloodstain on the sheets). She was  
breathing regularly, and Keitaro watched for a few moments as her  
chest rose up and down in time with her breaths.  
  
Keitaro was turning beet-red now... and not just in his face, either.  
  
* * * * *  
  
The author gagged. "Look, I ain't going to write that. If you've seen  
'End of Evangelion,' you know what happens there. Just fill in the blanks.  
I'm only going to say one more thing about that - Thermal Expansion  
and Arc Velocity."  
  
* * * * *  
  
(Background music: Track 1 from "Eve of the Second Impact")  
  
Keitaro stared at the mess in his hand. "I'm scum." He sighed, and  
wiped it on the sheets. "I'm absolute shit."  
  
"Kei... taro..."  
  
Naru's eyes blinked open slowly, and she raised her hand to her forehead -   
and then stopped when she felt the gobs of sticky fluid on it. She drew  
her hand back to her nose and sniffed it, trying to see what it was...  
and then she tasted it. Just a lick, but enough to make Keitaro nosebleed.  
  
Naru then took a look at Keitaro, and saw that Mr. Happy had gotten a little  
_too_ happy. A slow doubletake ensued, and Keitaro sweatdropped.  
  
It was then that Naru realized what it was.  
  
Suffice it to say, pandemonium ensued.  
  
"HENTAI!" Naru leapt out of her bead, tearing the IV out of her arm as  
she did so, and charged Keitaro, who was running away while trying  
frantically to close the lid on Mr. Happy, who was still a little  
happy.  
  
Naru-punches resounded through the halls as Keitaro kept running, and  
eventually, he got to an area near the unit cages that he knew Naru  
didn't know about. He gasped for breath, taking in huge gulps of air,  
and then sat down and waited.  
  
* * * * *  
  
Klaxons rang throughout the halls of ONSEN.  
  
"Warning, warning. Hostile entities detected outside ONSEN complex.  
This is not a drill. All personnel to battle stations. Repeat, hostile  
forces outside ONSEN complex. Battle stations."  
  
The chaos that ensued was incredible. The Control Room's three bridge   
bunnies were working overtime, and Su rushed in to secure the SOU terminals.  
  
"Senpai, what's going on?" Shinobu said, her face twisted in fear.  
  
"Someone's attacking us!" Su pulled four pistols out of a wall compartment   
and passed three of them to said technicians. "You've got to hold this room.   
I've got two places to go."  
  
"Senpai... senpai, don't go!"  
  
Su ran out of the room, and Shinobu started bawling.  
  
* * * * *  
  
"Where is he?"  
  
Naru ran through the corridors of ONSEN, searching for Keitaro to beat  
the living shit out of him.  
  
"I'll KILL him!"  
  
Okay, I stand corrected. She'll kill the living shit out of him.  
  
Naru turned a corner, and there in front of her was her pride and joy -   
Aoyama-02. She grinned wickedly.  
  
"My baby and I will find him, won't we? Yes, we will."  
  
She climbed in the unit.  
  
* * * * *  
  
Keitaro ran through the halls, knowing that he had to get to Aoyama-01 to  
defend the complex. About a hundred feet from the elevator to the cages,  
he turned a corner... and ran straight into a JSSDF soldier wielding  
a pistol.  
  
"Hey, it's him!" The soldier pointed the pistol straight at Keitaro's  
head. "Sorry, kid, this is business," he said, pulling his radio up  
in his other hand.  
  
"Third Child confirmed. Eliminating."  
  
The soldier pulled the trigger.  
  
Or at least he tried to - it was kind of hard, since Kitsune's .50-caliber  
bullet was lodged in the back of his skull.  
  
His body collapsed to the floor, and Kitsune ran up to Keitaro, gripping   
a Desert Eagle pistol with both hands. "Are you all right?"  
  
"Yeah... yeah, I'm okay, I think."  
  
She pulled him to his feet. "We've got to get you to Aoyama-01. There's  
people out there who want to kill us all!"  
  
They ran to the end of the hall, and Kitsune pushed the button to call  
the elevator to their floor. They waited... and waited...  
  
A gunshot punctuated their reverie, and Kitsune snapped off two shots  
to answer it back. More shots came their way, and she fired four more  
back before ejecting the clip and reloading.  
  
The elevator door opened, and Kitsune grabbed Keitaro. "Get in!"  
  
He shook his head. "Not without you!"  
  
"GO!"  
  
"NO!"  
  
She pulled him to her and kissed him softly, but with passion. "That's  
a kiss for luck. Get back, and we'll do the rest." She pushed the stunned  
Keitaro into the elevator, then pushed the button for the cages, and leapt  
out, firing her pistol at the troops moving down the corridor.  
  
Keitaro tried to get out of the elevator, but the doors shut too fast...  
  
"KITSUNE!"  
  
Kitsune took a hit in her leg, but shot the remaining three JSSDF soldiers  
cleanly through the head with one round each  
  
* * * * *  
  
Naru felt the elevator rising, and she and Aoyama-02 rose to the  
surface. She drew the unit's - Tsuruko's - katana, knowing that  
Keitaro and 01 would be up here.  
  
She cleared the ground - and saw not one, but _nine_ Aoyama-01  
clones arrayed in a circle around ONSEN headquarters. Naru grinned.  
  
"Nine Aoyama-01s, nine dead Keitaros... I like it."  
  
She charged them, slashing madly. Two of the units fell apart when  
they were hit, and others just flew up in the air.  
  
Naru smiled, seeing the destruction that she had wrought with  
such grace and fury... and then the two units that had lost limbs  
simply regenerated them.  
  
Her jaw dropped in shock.  
  
* * * * *  
  
(Background music: Love Antique, track 8 on "Refrain")  
  
Su rode the elevator down, deep down into the bowels of ONSEN.  
She and the Commander were arguably the only two who knew about  
her destination, and if she was right, she'd have to act quickly  
to keep the Commander from stopping her.  
  
She pulled out her pistol that she'd taken from the Control Room,  
and stepped off the elevator when the opportunity presented itself.  
Su checked her left, her right, and proceeded forward carefully until  
she reached a massive steel door with a keycard reader to its left.  
  
She pulled out a keycard from her pocket, swiped it, and watched the doors  
open. Su quickly ran through them, letting them shut behind her, and gazed  
in grim hatred at what she saw in front of her -   
  
A tank full of Kanakos.  
  
Hundreds of Kanakos swam in the tank. Some lounged at the bottom, some swam  
around, and some just watched. All their eyes turned towards Su when she  
entered, though.  
  
"Damn you," Su whispered. "You... you turned the Commander into this...  
this beast that she is. You deserve to die - no, you deserve worse than  
death. You deserve an eternity of slow torture." She raised her pistol.  
"This is all I can give you."  
  
Su turned and aimed at a light fixture over the tank. She fired three shots,  
and the whole apparatus collapsed into the tank, taking its power  
cables with it.  
  
The Kanakos didn't even scream while they died. They just kept staring  
at Su, even in death.  
  
The scientist shuddered and left. She headed back to the elevator,  
got on, and rode it a few more floors down. This time, when she got off  
the elevator, she walked forward into a sea of LCL, and straight ahead of  
her was the most disgusting sight she'd ever seen -  
  
A naked, crucified Hina-obaasan that dripped LCL into the giant pool beneath  
her.   
  
Slightly less disturbing was the sight of Haruka and a very naked Kanako standing  
in the pool. Haruka's palm was glowing.  
  
"So you've finally come here, have you?" Haruka said, her back to Su.  
  
"You know why I'm here, Haruka," Su said icily.  
  
"Indulge me."  
  
"You played me for a fool!" Su screamed, tears coursing down her cheeks.  
"You had Seta, my mother, me, and now _her_? A clone of Seta mixed with  
Hina-obaasan?"  
  
Haruka smiled. "What I do is my business, not yours. I suggest you  
keep it as such."  
  
"DAMN YOU!" Su pulled the trigger, but missed Haruka.  
  
Haruka's shot didn't miss, though. She hit Su in the chest, and the   
scientist fell to the floor.  
  
"You're... not going to do it this time," Su panted through a mouthful  
of blood as she drew out a remote control. "This will detonate the SOU  
systems. Any hope of achieving your goals... gone." She gasped and pushed  
a button on it.  
  
She had expected an explosion.  
  
Nothing happened.  
  
"So you chose her over me, mother?" Su whispered before collapsing onto  
her back. "Betraying your own daughter..."  
  
Kaolla Su died.  
  
Haruka's palm burned furiously, and the Adam embryo implanted inside burned  
its way out of her to land in the LCL. It found its way over to Kanako, and  
Haruka smiled, anticipating triumph...  
  
But it touched her, and nothing happened.  
  
"What?" Haruka gasped. "Third... It should have..."  
  
"It did not happen because I willed it not to," Kanako said quietly.  
  
"Damn you, Lilith," Haruka whispered. "Curse you."  
  
"'And lo, she placed a curse on Adam, that one day she would devour his  
descendants and destroy his line.'" Kanako smiled. "I am hungry."  
  
Haruka Urashima paled as ten Kanakos rose out of the LCL and approached her.  
  
"It is not you who will choose how humanity is made," Kanako said as the  
clones began to tear Haruka apart. "It is His decision, and although He  
is not Him, He still is respected."  
  
* * * * *  
  
(Background music: Ave Maria, from Cowboy Bebop. Use the full six-minute  
version here.)  
  
Keitaro entered Aoyama-01 and was catapulted to the surface just in  
time to see Naru's unit take a massive blow from a clone's prog-katana.  
She went down like a sack of bricks, and the clones closed in and started  
to slash her apart.  
  
"NO!"  
  
Keitaro blindly charged, decapitating several units with one stroke, and  
batting the rest out of the way as he got to Naru's side.  
  
"Narusegawa, are you okay?"  
  
"Keitaro... you pervert..." Naru sighed, a smile on her face despite  
the bloodstains there. "You came... again..."  
  
"Narusegawa, it's okay, we'll get Su to heal you or something, just don't  
die!"  
  
"Baka... it's all your fault..."  
  
Naru Narusegawa died, and with her went Aoyama-02.  
  
Keitaro stood up slowly, fury burning in his eyes. The clones reformed,  
and they formed a circle around him. After a short but furious battle,  
they had Aoyama-01 - the real one - pinned, and two clones held each of  
its limbs. The last clone drew out its sword, and Keitaro gasped.  
  
"The Hina Blade!"  
  
They'd used that on the Fifteenth Angel, he remembered, and they'd though  
it lost. If that hit him, it was all over.  
  
"Gotta... get..."  
  
He struggled, and threw off some of the clones, but the one with the  
Hina Blade stabbed it straight down into Keitaro's unit 01.  
  
Keitaro Urashima screamed, and at that moment, the world exploded  
into a sea of white.  
  
* * * * *  
  
Jikai, End of Hinagelion:  
  
SETA: God creates Man.  
MUTSUMI: Man finds God.  
NARU: Man worships God.  
SU: Man questions God.  
HARUKA: Man defies God.  
KITSUNE: Man denies God.  
KEITARO: Man becomes God?  
KANAKO: The final episode of Shinseiki Hinagelion - "The End of Hinagelion, Part II."  
SHINOBU: Or "Keitaro's in His heaven, all's right with the world."  
  
* * * * * * * * * *  
  
AUTHOR'S NOTES  
  
Eew, what was I thinking? A naked Grandma Hina in exchange for Lilith?  
*Shudder* Nasty. I think I crossed the line with that.  
  
This took me about forty-eight hours to plan, write, and post. I did  
everything but the disclaimer, intro text, and scene with the elders  
on Sunday, and all that in two hours to boot.  
  
Due to the RIAA's latest actions - suing each and every person who  
downloads any song (and in some cases, destroying the legitimate and legal   
collections of users via hackers and viruses) - I must urge my readers to boycott  
buying American CDs/CDs made by groups involved with the RIAA until they relent.  
  
I ain't buying jack from them for three simple reasons.  
  
1: Their stars are manufactured, and the music they make is crap to appeal  
to the masses (reminds me of Marx's theories on religion).  
2: Twenty of my hard-earned bucks for one damn CD? Come on, that's pushing  
it. You can buy one blank CD for about forty cents, and the Internet time  
to download and burn songs is negligible. They've got to learn to compete  
with that cost, or they're finished.  
3: They're taking incredibly unethical measures against file-traders, such  
as hacking their systems, planting destructive viruses on them, and in  
some cases, planting keyloggers on systems (which constitutes illegal  
wiretapping in itself).  
  
You don't like it? Don't buy from them. Import your music. Listen to indie  
bands. Just don't give these bastards any more ammunition than they have.  
  
In fic-related news...  
  
Yakusoku will be finished soon, and a new world born... but what world is it?  
And if Kanako's going to let Keitao Join with her, just what the hell is she  
talking about? And what will that do, come to think of it?  
  
The Kyoto Liddo-Kun's getting a chapter update before I finish this, so  
you've got about a week or so, since I just got hired by Best Buy as a   
computer repair geek.  
  
MSMT3K is slowly dying. It's not dead - far from it. It's just that people  
have given me flak for my MSTings, and quite frankly, I'm sick of people  
bitching and moaning over my MSTing of "Lemon Wing." It's up and it's going  
to stay up, so quit carping. I'll finish this season, do five special episodes  
to close it, and then it's gone for good. I may bring it back in a few special  
episodes later, but there's no guarantee, since writers these days (especially  
the teenagers who write the true and utter tripe that infests quite a bit of FFN -  
myself included on some of my old works) are being very stingy with permission  
these days.  
  
Oh, and one last thing.   
  
Happy birthday, Kanako. I have but three wishes for you on it:  
  
May you age well, like fine wine.  
May you be rich, like fois gras.  
And may your writing always be as sinfully delicious as it is now.  
  
Ja!  
  
Tuxedo Jack  
Tuxedojack@juno.com  
  
users3.ev1.net/~jchiles  
Click on the Senshi no Eisei logo for my stuff, but check out the rest, too!  
  
"No one can stop me... because I... LIKE TO DOWNLOAD!" 


	5. The End of Hinagelion, Part 2

"If God's in His heaven, what the hell's wrong with the world?"  
  
* * * * * * * * * *  
  
Tuxedo Jack  
~and~  
Craptacularly Spignificant Productions  
~present, with some apologies to Anno and Akamatsu~  
  
Shinseiki Hinagelion:  
The End of Hinagelion  
Part II  
"Keitaro's in His Heaven, all's right with the world"  
  
* * * * * * * * * *  
  
There is no disclaimer, for I deign not to waste bandwidth  
on it.  
  
The soundtrack rule still applies. If you've got the music  
I name, use it. If not, get it by hook, crook, or downloading  
it. Screw the RIAA, get it if you want. Only pay for music if   
it's good.  
  
If I get enough requests, I'll post the soundtrack on my site  
to download. 56Kers are going to have a hell of a time with it,  
since it's about 75 megabytes.  
  
* * * * * * * * * *  
  
(Background music: Ave Maria from Cowboy Bebop. Still the six-minute version,  
but skip to 3:37 into the song, just before the section that sounds different  
from the rest.)  
  
Keitaro snarled as he lay Naru's broken and shattered unit down on the  
ground. He charged, decapitating some, slashing others, but the whole  
group regenerated what was needed and encircled him.  
  
The nine Aoyama-01s around Keitaro's Motoko unit pinned him, and  
one drew out the Hina Blade. With a primal roar, it stabbed the sword  
straight down into Motoko.  
  
Keitaro screamed once, and the world dissolved into a sea of white.  
  
* * * * *  
  
(Background music: C-6 from the S2 Works CDs)  
  
Keitaro stood still and stared straight ahead.  
  
"This is the time, Urashima-kun," Kanako said, her arms on his shoulder once more.  
  
"The time?"  
  
"The old world has passed away, and what remains is nothing that is even significant,"  
she whispered.  
  
"I brought an end to the world?" Keitaro said, horrified.  
  
"The world is not over, Keitaro," Kanako said, moving to stare straight into his eyes.  
"I carry the souls of all the children of Lillith, and we will create a new world for  
them to live in."  
  
"A new world..." Keitaro thought out loud.  
  
A flash blinded him, and he closed his eyes...  
  
* * * * *  
  
(Background music: "Blackjack, Pessima Qualidade" from the FFVI Orchestral Collection.  
It's very hard to find, so don't worry about it.)  
  
"Wake up, idiot!"  
  
Naru whacked Keitaro in his head with a pillow, and Keitaro groaned.  
  
"You're going to be late for school!"  
  
Keitaro blinked his eyes open, and said the first thing that came to mind.  
  
"Pink."  
  
Naru looked puzzled for a second, then realized what Keitaro meant, and whacked  
him again. "BAKA!" She then looked down at him, and saw that he was a little  
_too_ happy to see her. "You mean, stupid, horny guy!" She stormed out, her   
fuku flaring out around her. Keitaro sat up, wiped his eyes, and went to get   
ready for class.  
  
He walked down the hall once he was dressed and ready, and Haruka greeted him from  
her seat at the kitchen table.  
  
"Keitaro, you had better be nicer to Naru from now on when she wakes you up."  
  
"It's not my fault, Mom..." Haruka hit Keitaro in his head.  
  
"Don't call me Mom. It makes me feel old."  
  
"Can I still call you lover?" Seta said from his post by the stove.  
  
"DAD!" Keitaro gagged, and Haruka smirked.  
  
"Why not?"  
  
Naru stepped into the kitchen, and she dragged Keitaro with her as she left.  
They left the apartment under Haruka's watchful eyes, and proceeded down the street.  
Naru turned to Keitaro with an evil glint in her eyes.  
  
"So, Keitaro, how far have you and Shinobu gotten?"  
  
Keitaro sputtered. "What? How... why..."  
  
"So can we expect to see little Keitaros running around soon?" Naru went on,  
loving every second of Keitaro's protests. "Aw, and a little Shinobu would  
be so cute!"  
  
"It's not like that, Naru!" Keitaro yelled, looking straight at her. "I'm just  
her tutor!"  
  
"Sure you are," Naru said, then stopped dead in her tracks.  
  
Keitaro kept going, and true to form, he ran right into Kanako, who was walking  
in his direction. They both fell over, and Keitaro spoke his mind once more.  
  
"Black..."  
  
Kanako smiled shyly. "I apologize." She stood and walked off.  
  
Naru walked up behind Keitaro and punched him in his arm. "Baka! What are you doing  
looking at her panties?"  
  
"If I do that, it's my business, Naru, not yours!"  
  
"Geez, you've grown a spine suddenly."  
  
_Yeah, seeing the world end will do that,_ Keitaro thought to himself.  
  
* * * * *  
  
(Background music: "Queen Serenity" from Sailor Moon)  
  
Shinobu, Haitani, and Shirai climbed higher on the terminals in their room  
as the LCL continued rising.  
  
"This... how the hell did LCL get in here?" Shirai screamed, just before he lost  
his footing and fell into the sea.  
  
_Yes, Shirai, I'm here,_ Motoko's voice sounded. _Come with me._  
  
Shirai dissolved into LCL.  
  
"SHIRAI!" Haitani yelled in anguish. "NO!"  
  
_It's all right, Haitani,_ Haruka said as she formed out of the LCL. _Join  
me in here. Don't worry, the water's fine._  
  
"Haruka-sama..." Haitani whispered, as if mesmerized, and then began climbing  
down to enter the LCL. He stepped into the pool, and Haitani managed to embrace  
the LCL-Haruka before dissolving.  
  
"I got my wish," he said.  
  
"No, no, you're not getting me," Shinobu said, clenching the gun she held.  
She pulled the trigger at the LCL-Haruka, firing off a few shots, but Haruka  
just dissolved, and Su formed out of what remained.  
  
_Kohai, stop worrying so much,_ the false Su said. _Take a break, come join me.  
It'll be fun! We've got some bananas, and I've got mechas, so we'll all be okay._  
  
"No, senpai! It's not you! It's not YOU!" Shinobu screamed before the LCL flooded  
the chamber and engulfed her.  
  
The control room lay empty, with only LCL and the SOU systems to bear witness that  
there had once been humans there.  
  
* * * * *  
  
(Background music: "Words That we Couldn't Say" from Cowboy Bebop)  
  
Naru sat at her desk in the M-3 classroom in Tokyo-3.  
  
Shirai and Keitaro had been assigned pre-class cleaning duty, and they were  
dusting off some bookshelves in the room. Shirai laughed when he heard about  
Keitaro's morning.  
  
"My god, man, you're woken up by a red-haired goddess in pink panties, and not only  
that, you get to see another pair on a woman you knock down on the street? You lucky  
bastard."  
  
"Quiet, you idiot," Shinobu said, passing Shirai a pitcher of water. "You've got to  
go fill that vase." She turned to Keitaro. "Don't put any ideas into his head," she  
scolded him. "He's hard enough to deal with as it is."  
  
Keitaro nodded and went back to dusting. A short while later, the room was clean,  
the rest of the class was in their desks, and they were eagerly awaiting their teacher's  
arrival.  
  
"Man, she Gainaxes like crazy!"  
  
"She could give a dead guy a boner."  
  
"QUIET!" Shinobu said from her seat at the front of the room just before Kitsune-sensei  
entered. "Stand, bow, sit!"  
  
"Good morning, class!" Kitsune caroled from the front of the room.  
  
"Good morning, sensei," the male half of the class said back (in a lecherous manner).  
The female response was slightly venomous, as they knew who their boyfriends were  
dreaming about, and they weren't happy about it.  
  
"I want to introduce our new transfer student, Kanako Urashima!" Kitsune gestured  
to a black-haired girl who had followed her in.  
  
Keitaro's eyes bugged out. "It's her!"  
  
Kanako smiled when she saw Keitaro.  
  
Naru grew furious. "You! You flashed Keitaro your panties this morning!"  
  
"And you have claim on him?" Kanako replied coldly. "If Keitaro does not have  
a girlfriend, I would be happy to fill the void."  
  
* * * * *  
  
(Background music: Forbidden Gene, track 7 on Refrain)  
  
"No," Keitaro said.  
  
"What?"  
  
"This is not the world that I want."  
  
"Why do you not want this world?" Kitsune said from behind him.  
  
"Do you hate it?" Naru said from his left.  
  
"Do you hate yourself?" Kanako said from his right.  
  
"I don't hate it, or myself."  
  
"Then perhaps you dislike being surrounded by others."  
  
"Perhaps you don't like us," Kitsune said.  
  
"I don't! I love all of you!"  
  
"Is it because you are weak?" Kanako said.  
  
"Yes, that must be it," said Naru.  
  
"He cannot live with others, so he lives alone," Kitsune said quietly.  
  
"He cannot promise, so he cannot live with others."  
  
"But he was instrumental for Yakusoku," Kanako replied.  
  
"He is merely part of a promise, not all of it."  
  
"Since he is only part of it, he naturally wants to be more," Naru said.  
  
"He created that world where we came from, and now he wishes to overthrow His  
creation," Kanako whispered in Keitaro's ear.  
  
"The three of us are the three worlds," Naru said.  
  
"I am Body, first of the Three Mothers," Kitsune said, moving in front of Keitaro  
and drifting backwards through the sea of white.  
  
"I am Mind, second of the Three," Naru said, mimicking Kitsune.  
  
"And I am Soul, the Third," said Kanako.  
  
"Each of us is a world unto ourselves," Kitsune said.  
  
"Each world has infinite possibilities," continued Naru.  
  
"And each world has its own end. You must choose a world for Humanity, Keitaro,"   
Kanako said from her position in the center of Kitsune and Naru.  
  
Normally, Keitaro would have nosebleeded to death from the sight of three stunningly  
beautiful naked women in front of him, but since this wasn't really reality, he  
didn't.  
  
He floated forward, bowed his head, stretched out his arms, and made his choice.  
  
Of course, since he had one hand on Kitsune's left breast, one hand on Naru's right  
breast, and his head on Kanako's chest, it wasn't exactly a very good choice.  
  
The three women collectively sweatdropped.  
  
A voice boomed throughout the wash of white. It sounded infinitely sweet, yet  
all-knowing and strangely sad at the same time; many and yet one, that described  
the voice.  
  
"He has made His choice. So let It be written, so let It be done!"  
  
The world exploded into light once more...  
  
* * * * *  
  
(Background music: none)  
  
"It's all right, Naru-san, I'm only going to be gone for a few months," Keitaro  
said to her as he boarded his plane. "Seta-san found some new ruins, and since I  
can't exactly go to Todai this semester thanks to my leg, I can get some experience  
in with him!"  
  
She hugged him. "But..."  
  
"Don't worry, Naru. I'll be back before you know it." He pulled loose and stepped  
onto the plane.  
  
And somewhere off in the distance, music began playing...  
  
"Kirari, hikaru, yume wo taisetsuni dakishimete ippou jutsu aruiteikou ashita e to!"  
  
* * * * *  
  
(End theme: "Blue" from Cowboy Bebop Episode 26 - "The Real Folk Blues, Part 2")  
  
God created Man.  
  
Man discovered God.  
  
Man worshipped God.  
  
All was good, for the world persisted.  
  
Man defied God.  
  
God became Man.  
  
Man killed God.  
  
Man questioned God.  
  
The world shook, but it held.  
  
Man defied God a second time.  
  
The world very nearly ended, but what was left brought it back, and the world  
became more powerful than it was before.  
  
Man denied God.  
  
The world was torn asunder, and God perished, and the souls of man waited for  
a new God to arise.  
  
Man became God.  
  
The world was created anew from the ruins of the second world, and God made it  
good.  
  
The cycle will repeat itself eternally, and humanity will advance, for we are  
the chosen ones.  
  
To be born, to live, to reproduce, to die - that is the evidence of God.  
  
* * * * * * * * * *  
  
AUTHOR'S NOTES  
  
I wish I had a cast here. That way I could have a wrap party, and invite  
Naru, Kanako, and Kitsune to come in the costumes that they wore. ... No,  
I'm not that bad.  
  
This completes "Shinseiki Hinagelion." If you wish to kill me like so many  
wish to do to Hideki Anno for "End of Evangelion," I give you permission,  
only ask that it be quick and clean, and that you put down plastic first.  
Blood's a bitch to get out of carpet.  
  
This series is brought to you by the letters H, A, C, K, and the number forty-two.  
  
Thanks go to:  
  
*TrueC, for being an excellent sounding board and getting me to work on  
both this and my Exile III walkthrough at the same time.  
*Kanako, for being one of the few people to actually leave reviews.  
*Kanno Yoko, Sagisu Shirou, Horie Yui, Uematsu Nobuo, and whoever did Sailor  
Moon's music for the soundtrack, which I'll eventually post to my site,  
five MP3s at a time.  
  
And certainly Akamatsu and Anno for creating the two worlds in which I've played.  
  
If you have any love for Kana or Kanako at all, you'll go read the works published  
by Chocolate Fudge on Fictionpress.com. If you thought that their Love Hina fiction  
was good, you'll find that their original fiction far outstrips it.  
  
And so, I close this book and place it on the shelf for your perusal.  
  
Ja ne!  
  
Tuxedo Jack  
Tuxedojack@juno.com  
July 2nd, 2003  
  
users3.ev1.net/~jchiles  
Click the Senshi no Eisei logo for my stuff, but check out the other sites too!  
  
"Death is only the beginning. Birth is the end." 


End file.
